The Mighty Baby

Hooray! My dadada comes home tonight from LA. He’s been traveling a lot this year. Something about bacon and new shoes. I do not really know what either are. But who cares, he’s coming home! I miss him when he’s on the road. Soon I’ll get to hear the funny noises he makes when I grab his chest hair, or when I kick him in the nuts. Yay!

I woke up today full of smiles and curiosity, ready for a day of play. And play I did, for about an hour and a half, until Mom caught me yawning and put me in my crib to sleep. I slept about 10 minutes ‘cuz I’m considerate enough to give Mom enough time to pee and maybe check email. Then I cried for awhile, which scored me a ride in the Baby Bjorn. I finally dozed off, snoring like a freight train. Ok, maybe not that loud. Snoring like Thomas the Train. Then… wha??? The lady who loves to put me in the crib and her grubby hands were hoisting me into the crib again. No way, and this time I’m going to scream my head off for a long time. It was a battle of wills. I scream, Mom rocks me and sings some stupid songs that she doesn’t know lyrics to. Finally I scored some boob-fet and pass out. Then again, I’m hoisted into the crib again. Nope, no way, nuh-uh. I wail and win! Mom gives up, picks me up and puts me in the swing. I hear people say that the swing will put you to sleep, but it had not defeated me yet. Until today. Before I had the chance to give me hoot and holler to be lifted, my eyelids betrayed me and shut down. Damn you, swingamathing, damn you!

Daddy’s in Barcelona working for a few days, so hey, these next couple of posts are for you, Pops! Here’s a rundown of what’s up with me and Mom last night and today:

10pm-2:30am Sleep
2:30-3am Eat
3-6am Sleep
6-6:20am Eat, diaper change
6:20-7:10am Play! Big mobile, walk around, mom’s lap, diaper change
7:10-8am Eat
8-9:30am Sleep
9:30-10am Eat, diaper change
10-10:40am Play! Chilling out in the swing
10:40-10:55am Eat
10:55-11:20am Play! Rainforest mobile
11:20-11:25am Change clothes since I stink like boob milk
11:25-12pm Eat
12-1:30pm Sleep, fuss, eat, swing, diaper change
1:30-2:30pm Walk/sleep in Baby Bjorn to the hardware store. Also checked out a new steakhouse that opened recently. Can’t wait for the teeth to come in so I can eat steak.
2:30-2:40pm Endured photo shoot with mom
2:40-3:05pm Eat
3:05-4pm Sleep
4-4:30pm Chilled out in the swing again
4:30-5pm Eat, doze
5-6pm Sleep
6-6:30pm Bath – Mom didn’t drop me, splish splash yay!
6:30-7pm Eat, checked out the bookcase – why are there so many sci-fi titles?
7-7:30pm Mom cajoling me to sleep. I made her dance to an old Postal Service’s CD.
7:30-7:40pm Sleep, or so Mom thought
7:40-8:15pm Eat, doze
8:15-8:30pm Sleep, or so Mom thought again
8:30pm-now Charmed my way to playing in the crib. A smile goes a long way.
Now Oh yeah, writing this post too. I’m a good multitasker.

I know, I know, I’m off-schedule. But I’m having a good time — no nipple nuts and spit spray cries! Miss you, come home soon. And don’t forget to bring me the Gaudi dollhouse that I desperately need or else I will throw a tantrum…

Here’s a random list of what’s been up:

-I cried a lot last week, but have pulled back on that a bit once the ‘rents realized I needed to be fed more often. Duh!

-I still cry though. Working on the silent scream where I hold my breath and turn completely red for a few seconds. That always freaks them out.

-I’m getting stronger and bigger everyday. My skin no longer sags, but the back and arm hair are still there.

-Dad was sick earlier this week, so he kept his germy self sequestered in the basement. I missed him a lot. But he’s back now and holding me lots. Now I can show him my death grip by grabbing his chest hair, yay!

-Breaking out the new toys as I get curiouser and curiouser. I love being super snug in the Baby Bjorn. Dad loves holding me in the Baby Bjorn, since I’m peaceful and his hands are freed up to play Xbox 360. What is this Xbox 360, and can I eat it?

-The swing was set up over the weekend. I didn’t take to it the first time, and have yet to try it out again.

-Tried some different pacifiers. They’re ok, but I’ll still spit them out if they don’t have the milk that I seek. Pfffftttt, can’t fool me!

-Went for a long walk around the neighborhood yesterday. I breathed in a lot of bus and car exhaust… hello New York! And we looked at a lot of new construction. Is it safe for a baby to hang out under scaffolding?

-Mom and Dad finally bought my crib and changing table today. Phew. For awhile, I thought I was going to end up sleeping and pooping in the pile of shredded newspapers that are laying in the corner.

Need to take more pics, but Mom and Dad have been a little too tired lately. Those bums!

Please Mom and Dad, stop cutting my nails!

Here’s me watching football. I think I have to cheer for the Chicago Bears since my Dad’s a big fan, but man, they suck this year.

A few things I’ve been up to lately:

• Went to my 2 week check-up at the doctor. I’ve got a little dry nick on my butt crack but otherwise all is well. I’m now at 6lbs 12oz and 21″. I grew a whole inch in 17 days.
• I’ve had gas — burps, explosive poop, overall not feeling so well. Everyone (except maybe Mom) has been good about patting me and helping the gas pass. Grandma has an exceptionally strong whack and tends to get the gas out quickly.
• My lungs are awesome! I let out a super loud and sharp cry in the middle of the night. It made Mom and Dad’s heart race and jump out of bed. hahahaha
• Opening up presents. My adoring fans keep sending gifts. Man, am I lucky or what.
• Taking baths. They really calm me down. The other day, I was so relaxed after my bath that I did some crazy poops while bundled up in the towel. It was fabulous just to see Dad’s reaction. And, it scored me another bath. I really enjoy soaking my butt.
• Going all Houdini and breaking out of my swaddle — I’m really good at getting my arms out, though once they’re out, I don’t know what to do with them yet. Maybe I can get a job as a ref in football. Score!

I’m only 9-1/2 days old, and already I feel guilty for not posting frequently. But hey, it’s been a busy week. I’ve had visitors every day… folks are lining up and clamoring to get a hold of me. Literally. I’ve been passed around to at least a dozen people so far. My adoring fans lean in close and spray me with their oohs and aahs. I fake sleep through this whole process so that: a) spit spray is kept out of my eyes, b) folks will get bored with me and pass me onto someone else, and c) people won’t get too over-stimulated — if they are that nuts over a sleeping version of me, I can’t imagine how they’d be able to cope with an adorably charming awake version of me!

Here are some pics from my first washing the other night. I was getting a little stinky, so grandma and my parents had to hose me down.

Hands up, baby, hands up…

Yo, this ain’t no party — I’m cold!

I just passed a big ass fart. Ha, cleaning fiends foiled again!

Oh yeah, a big thank you to all my fans out there. Your outpouring of love, emails and presents are super appreciated. Mmm-wah! Kisses.

Here I am on day 4 of my life. I imagine more pics will be coming, since I still can’t seem to shake the paparazzi.

Today I finally got to come out and play! I have to say it wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be though, since as soon as I made it out of Mom’s tummy some person with rubber gloves and a mask grabbed me, tagged me and bagged me. I felt like I had been abducted by aliens!

Luckily Mom and I finally got to meet face to face right after the weirdo with the mask wrapped me in a snuggly blankie. Mom was smiling and happy to see me and kept calling me a good girl while Dad hovered around like a startled bird wondering what he could do to help me or Mom. Ha, he’s so stupid! It’s going to be a lot of fun to wrap him around my finger and make him buy me things to keep me happy.

Oh, and someone said I weighed 7lbs and 3 ounces and was 20 inches long, whatever all that means. All I know is that Dad was thrilled that I had 10 fingers, 10 toes and that I didn’t have any webbing between them. I think he thought he was being funny. Well, just wait until I turn 16 and make him buy me my first car so I can go to the prom with that boy he doesn’t approve of. Then we’ll see who’s laughing. Stupid Dad.